It's 9 months today but it feels like only yesterday. I can smell, taste the awry atmosphere of that morning. The palpable pain of that day is well too familiar. The urgency, anxiety and hopelessness of the feeling of uncertainty became too real and familiar. I remember that very day... That day when my dark days 'officially' began. It was presided with the feeling of the urgency of a looming and impending calamity. I prayed... Oh! I prayed that God will restore your soul and body even to frailty... I was going to nurture you to recovery no matter how long... But those were mere fantasies that were doomed to be gone with the wind. I hoped against all hopes, I believed and trusted ... But they hit the rocks and shattered right before my very eyes. My hopes, beliefs and trusts became crippled and paralysed and I became helpless. I remember the very statement on the night before that fateful day that plunged me into the great despair and put that monkey of trepidation on my shoulder. That was a pointer to the unfolding events of the next hours. I could not sleep; panic attacks and anxiety was the order. I feared that something may not go right, albeit I hoped for the divine and believed for a miracle expecting that it would all make a more wonderful and a sweeter testimony. I couldn't wait for the break of dawn, hoping that it would bring with it a ray of hope not knowing that the sun would set at that very dawn. I can't come to terms with not being there with you when you got to your finished line and took your last breathe. I wanted to fight beside you as you fought to stay alive for me. I wanted to hold your hands as you embarked on your journey to the great beyond. How I wish! How could I have known that going back to Nigeria to bring our kids so we could all be together would be the very last day I would see your heart beat. I was doing it for us... I wanted us to be together - thinking that may hasten your recovery. I wanted your kids to see their daddy, I wanted you to hear their voices... But I was dead wrong... It wasn't going to happen. We didn't have the chance to say goodbye. I did not have the chance to bid you farewell. I might not have had the courage and the clarity of mind to do so if I was there present at that moment, however being there with you would have complicated things a little less for me. Time goes by, tomorrow becomes today and today becomes yesterday... My pains are not bound by the passing of time. The Sunset at noon - Sept. 25, 2013. Sleep on Heart of my Heart.